In the Merry Month of May, my doctor approved the drug Lyrica. It is a nerve pain drug often used for people with fibromyalgia. I had heard a great success story of a lady here in town that goes to the SDA church and works at the local hospital. She suffered from adhesions and took the drug for 3 months and is apparently healed!
My doctor knows this lady and when I asked if I might try Lyrica, she readily agreed and wrote me a script. I took it down to Walmart where the pharmacist told me that Medicare did not approve the drug for me. He gave me 3 days worth to give me time to get things settled with Medicare.
We all know that the government knows better than our personal physicians what is best for our healthcare. They insisted that before I could take Lyrica, I must try Amitriptyline for one month. THEN they would approve the drug my doctor prescribed.
Those 1st 3 days with Lyrica were encouraging & I was angry that I had to quit & try Amitriptyline. Thus I began my 30 days of hell. I slept most of the time and when I was awake, I felt ‘loopy’, disoriented, and could barely stand up straight. I had nausea and lost the desire to eat. As you know, I’ve already lost 30 lbs. in the last 3 yrs. I lost another 6 lbs in the 1st 2 wks. of this new drug from hell.
My friends & family said later that the change in me was drastic. I often didn’t make sense when talking; I looked hollow, distant, and disoriented. They felt helpless to save my sinking into some vast ocean.
I remember trying to walk down my hallway, weaving from one wall to the other. I got to the kitchen and forgot why I had come. I just stood there looking out the window not knowing what to do or where to go. I wandered back down the hallway to the bathroom, grasped the sink & looked into the mirror with tears streaming down my cheeks and said aloud, “Who is this person? Where is Brenda? Please, somebody, help me! Somebody help me!” And there was no one to help. I dragged myself, sobbing, to the bed and lay for hours just staring at nothingness. God, please kill me. Someone please put a bullet in my head!!! We treat our animals better than we treat humans. At least we put them down when they are suffering. Brenda is living, yes, but nobody’s home.
This delirious life went on for 30 days. Thirty days is a very long time when you’re fumbling about like someone in the dark. Thirty days is a long time when every hour you wish for death. I knew enough to realize that my speech was slurred, my thoughts came out disjointedly, and that my physical appearance was gaunt, my eye sockets were dark, the flesh hung from my body like an 80 yr old woman’s.
My father arrived for a visit on the very last day of this horror and later he said he hardly recognized me. That evening, he went down to the pharmacy to get my Lyrica. The next morning was Sabbath morning and I had had 2 doses of this wonderful drug. As I sat at the kitchen table as he was preparing to visit Eric, he said, “Brenda is back!!” My eyes sparkled, I had a big smile on my lips, and I said, “YES, she IS !!”